If I didn't work in MI I think I would like to be a professional ballroom dancer.
I saw a job advert for a professional ballroom dancer today.
Of course I can't dance, however there is enough of it on television to be able to figure it out, and the costumes are splendid, although it doesn't look as though there is much ballroom in the trousers I would have to wear. It might not be referring to that type of ballroom, the advert could mean a ball room, or ball pit, although how you would be expected to dance in one of those, I have no idea.
I think that dancing in a ball pit might contravene elf and safety rules, but then I am up for almost anything that upsets elfs and safety. Although strictly not dancing, some of the things to do in an empty ball pit could be:
- arrange all the balls in colour order
- practise Jack Black ball pit diving
- hide under the balls and leap out and frighten people passing by
- wear a pretend shark fin and swim through the ball pit
- steal all the yellow balls
When it came to pay day I would refuse the pay, as being a ball pit annoyance would mean that I would have an apartment full of yellow plastic balls.
That would be payment enough.
@FlashmanVCKCB
If I didn't work in MI I think I would like to be a Garden gnome liberationist.
I saw a job advert for a Garden gnome liberationist today.
I don't have a garden so I obviously don't have a garden gnome to liberate. I have no idea what being a Garden gnome liberationist would entail, but I guess one thing would be to save gnomes from gnome hunters or the Garden Gnome Liberation Front.
The Garden Gnome Liberation Front appear not to have the best interests of gnomes at heart as I don't believe that gnomes need the pressure of enforced freedom.
As part of being a Garden gnome liberationist I would:
- set up a gnome guard
- encourage gnomes to take up a gnomadic lifestyle
- petition the gnome office for greater gnoman rights
- prove the well gnome phrase "Gnome or heroes any more" is untrue
When it came to pay day I would refuse the pay, as being a Garden gnome liberationist would mean that I would get to hang with my gnomies.
That would be payment enough.
@FlashmanVCKCB
If I didn't work in MI I think I would like to be a lawn engineer.
I saw a job advert for a lawn engineer today.
I don't have a lawn as I live in an apartment and I have no idea what a lawn engineer would have to do, but I could be a lawn arranger. I imagine that a lawn arranger would have to do grass things such as:
- arranging the blades of grass for elderly people so that they would have perfect lawns
- arranging the blades of grass at major sporting venues into chequered patterns
- arranging the blades of grass on the side of the road so that they were in height order
- arranging the blades of grass randomly for people who don't care about their lawns
When it came to pay day I would refuse the pay, as being a lawn arranger would mean that I could watch sports on TV and I could say "I made those patterns".
That would be payment enough.
@FlashmanVCKCB
If I didn't work in MI I think I would like to be a cat wrangler.
I saw a job advert for a cat wrangler today.
I don't have a cat, but there are plenty about, so getting a cat would be pretty easy with the help of cat treats and other persuavive techniques.
I am not sure exactly what a cat wrangler would be expected to do, but I imagine it would be something to do with organising formation display teams of cats. I can imagine having to perform with the cats at large venues, each cat with his wrangler all doing cat things such as:
- synchronised cat sleeping
- synchronised cat backside licking
- synchronised cat sleeping
- synchronised cat eating (not eating the cats)
- synchronised cat sleeping
When it came to pay day I would refuse the pay, as being a cat wrangler would mean that I would have a free cat.
That would be payment enough.
@FlashmanVCKCB
If I didn't work in MI I think I would like to be a test pilot.
I saw a job advert for one today.
I actually can't fly, which seems to be essential to this role. I have read all the Biggles novels though, and he makes it sound easy. He managed to fly Sopwith Camels, Spitfires and Jet fighters. I would hope that you don't have to have friends called "Algy" as I would definately fail on that score.
Maybe it actually means test pilots, or a pilot tester. I could devise flying tests for rookie pilots such as;
- three point turns at 33,000 feet (who cares about metres)
- reversing at mach 0.85 (but only in a 747)
- pushing into takeoff queues, I mean why wait?
- how to beat landing stacks by pretending to run out of fuel
- practise the experienced pilot "one finger salute" to pilots in smaller planes
When it came to pay day I would refuse the pay, as being a pilot tester would mean that I would have a snazzy uniform.
That would be payment enough.
@FlashmanVCKCB
If I didn't work in MI I think I would like to be a professional sword fighter.
I saw a job advert for one today.
I have the hat with an ostrich feather stuck on the side, but I don't have a sword or a horse. Apparently having your own sword and horse are a prerequiste and part of the job description. As it happens I can't actually ride a horse, but if I had one it would have to be a white horse.
I can't actually sword fight either, but it can't be that difficult, I have seen many sword fights in films and it looks easy. If an actor can do it then anyone could. I bet sword fighting is an exciting job though, although the advert doesn't explain what's involved.
When it came to pay day I would refuse the pay, as being a sword fighter would be rather dashing.
That would be payment enough.
@FlashmanVCKCB
